Sometimes it sucks being nice! I envy those Bitchy people no-body wants to be around.  They have it made! If someone asks a bitchy person to babysit no-one is surprised when they flip you off! Where as the nice person goes, "Sure...Anytime".  What I really meant was not today...I work and Since my shift is graveyard I like the hours before for napping or main lining caffeine.  It's true that I have my child with me at that time of the day, but that's different.  He already knows my limits and when to run!  The children I watched wanted to test my limits. I felt like a broken record..No..Don't touch that..No pushing..Put that back..TIME OUT!  My tolerance and easy going manner went out the door with their parents.  I actually said a loud, "Yay."  When their mom was at the door...They of course didn't want to leave!  I might have given them a gentle nudge in the right direction. I went to work feeling out of sorts because the force was disturbed..My sacred time that I use to mentally prepare myself was filled with children whining!  Is it my fault? Yes..I should say no.  Oh it sucks to be a nice person that wants to help or save everyone..How easy we are disregarded, taken advantage, and forgotten..

The heir of air

My life was always one where I lived in a gilded cage.  My family gave me everything I wanted with in reason, if I did as they asked.  Which wasn't really anything to drastic, my granny just wanted me at home twenty-four hours a day.  When I was twenty-five I had to ask permission to drive my car to work.  This prompted me to move out around the same time I graduated nursing school.  My first apartment was nice, but it wasn't home!  So, I realized I liked my gilded cage just fine!  Still I moved to Florida and worked as an agency nurse in Orlando.  A learning experience for sure!  What I didn't realize was how much my cousin's resented me!  They hated the fact that my grandparents bought me a car, gave me money, sent me to school (with the help of financial aid).  The catch to this was my grandparents raised me, stepping up when my parents couldn't.  I was always underfoot!  Plus I was my grandfather's only grandchild.  The other grandchildren were from my grandmother's first marriage when she was sixteen.  I loved my cousins, I thought they were the coolest thing since sliced bread.  It broke my heart when they said they were going to come get me and never showed up! Still in my naivety I thought they loved me.  Years later I now know some people aren't capable of love, especially when greed steps in.  They coveted all that I had right down to the rag-doll my paternal grandmother made me!  Sadly they managed to get it!  Six years later I'm still hurt, by the betrayal.  I miss my things as well. The photos of friends and family, my baby photos, my high school and college diploma.  They took my grandmother away from me with legal tactics and feuds..I sucked up my fear and went and saw her in the nursing home over the summer! I'm glad because she died on my 36th birthday..I went to the funeral prepared to let everything go..Six years was long enough to fight and argue..I told  THEM that as far as I was concerned it was over! Done..Fake kisses and hugs galore..I gave them my number just on the off chance I could get my photos back or I needed to sign paperwork..I am the heir...The heir of air..I had my son with me his little face leaned into my hip, something I viewed as my blessing for all that I had endured! Don't you know the heifer called two days later trying to insinuate that if I didn't get out of town that I would be put in Jail! For the love of God, Really?  I was returning to Florida the next day..Did she fall off the stupid tree?Now I'm left with a foul taste in my mouth.  The one thing I was trying to do was move on but it's the one thing, in the season of forgiveness, I can't seem to do! Kentuckians do like to Feud, we just can't seem to help our selves! Maybe, it's the mix of Scott/Irish and Native American heritage..Who knows..All I know is blood isn't thicker than water!  My charitable feelings and good nature is gone towards them, may they reap what they have sown! Anytime Karma..Anytime..

Murphy's law

So, I worked Friday night.  A nice long twelve hour shift where I watched someone else sleep.  That was all fine and dandy thanks to the ever popular but very bad for me caffeine drink! It was the next morning when I tried to sneak into my home and catch a few zzzz's.  I slowly opened the door praying that it didn't creak or groan to loud.  That my hyper dog didn't bounce and bark all over waking my son! I shouldn't even have worried, because my precious was sleeping on the couch.  He lifted his tow head up giving me a sleepy smile.  One that filled my heart with equal parts of joy and dread! I looked at him firmly stating it wasn't time to get up! Right, that was effective! I agreed to let him come snuggle with me which really translates into letting him play on my cell phone while I try to sleep. So, I plopped down in bed covering my body with blankets and waited for oblivion to claim me.  Then I hear, "Mama wake time."  Where as I groaned, No and tried to close my eyes again.  A warm little hand reaches out to stroke my chin.  That made me crack an eyelid open, what the Devil was my child insinuating? I am not the bearded lady!  Again I tell him it's sleep time while I pray that my boyfriend will come get him.  That doesn't work.  Two hours rolled on continuing in that manner.  The dog decided to join in with a few well rehearsed howls. I ended up chasing her around the bedroom.  She decided to hide under the bed for awhile, till I wasn't a deranged mad woman.  Finally, my boyfriend wakes! Did he immediately come get the baby? Why no, he decided to flip on the television and watch it for awhile. Finally I had to tell the minion to go play with daddy.  He wasn't happy but he went.  I burrowed under the blankets willing myself to go to sleep! Next thing I know the neighbor is knocking on the door with cup in hand wanting to borrow some coffee.  Great we get that taken care of and send her back home.  Then  my boyfriend comes traipsing   through the house putting incense out to cover the stench of cigarette smoke. Funny because he was a smoker and is now vaping! What-ever I roll my eyes. Once again I close my eyes..A loud insane noise fills my ears,the fire alarm sounds just in the room I was in!..The damn thing had never gone off before!  Par for the course.  I close my eyes trying to settle my mind back down after the fire alarm is properly chastised and laying silently on the floor.  My eyes pop wide open, I have officially reached the too tired to sleep point, and my stomach is saying it's hungry.  The debate rages on do I try to ignore the hunger pains and sleep or get up and find a snack?  Yup, a snack it was. I looked at the clock seeing that it was eleven o'clock in the morning.  I shake my head sadly, before heading back to bed, what I consider to be useless!  Thankfully, I manage to fall a sleep this time! Till my internal clock wakes me up a mere two hours later.. Life it's a humdinger!