I woke up from a beautiful dream only to realize I was an adult. What the Hell I say! No one asked me if I was ready to go headlong into that disaster. Mentally I still feel like I'm eighteen years old, physically it's much more like seventy-six than my true thirty-six. That was extremely evident this morning as I was wrestling with a patient! Why did my strength and my mental facilities have to run away right at seven a.m. I'm supposed to be doing stuff, work stuff, responsible adult stuff? Why did the fact that after being a nurse for ten years having a parent standing behind me, looking over my shoulder, make me feel like I was fresh out of school? All my knowledge and skill right out the door! I would have thought by now that anxiety that I had when I was younger would have vacated, moving on to pester some other poor individual! Nope!
How I try to smile and pretend that everything is alright when truly I'm miserable. I worked a twelve hour shift last night while everybody else slept. All night all I could think about was my nice soft bed, the fuzzy blanket, the dog at my feet, the four year old that would hopefully still be a sleep when I got home. It didn't help, neither did the caffein drinks, the salt and vingegar chips, or the steak. Things to occupy the wide spanse of time till my patient needs to get up. Normally I work in long term setings or jails. Being a home health nurse is relatively knew for me and the jury is still out on it! Work load wise the job is gravy. Still I kind of miss having work to do during my shift it makes things go by faster, especially on night shift. At least it gives me time to work on my books, you know the ones that no-body will probably ever read. Ha ha.
Here I sit at thirty-six still trying to figure out what I'm suppose to be doing with my life. By the time I do, I will probably be the patient! Cripes.
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